Montag, 18. März 2013

scribble #20

Recollect in heaven hell above a river oystered by a beat some gears a shiver
Reconnect in heaven hell a liver beg your pardon shut your mouth forever

(Can you sense I don't rely on autoagression?)

Drunk meditation on breath
-by default skinned orange neither discomfort nor angelic(?) piss
Drunk meditation on self
-Breath is incarnate lust of carnivore as well as feverish hope for redemption
 Drunk meditation on being
-Binge into forgetfulness, not vice versa
Drunk meditation on health
-God knows neither health nor sickness
-seek to bond with spirits
Drunk meditation on society
-Drunkard of heart equals J. D./C.
Drunk meditation on alcohol
-More port
Drunk meditation on dialectics
-kiss me or kill me, but, please, do one and do it quick
Drunk meditation on fat
-Zwei Bauern ziehen einen Ochsen in seinem Wagen den Berg hinauf. Die Bauern sterben. Der Ochse verhungert
-is agriculture art or science?
Drunk meditation on life
-membranes, membranes, membranes
-Dig holes in air and (hoped) holy spirits
-Directions of fragile GPS
Drunk meditation on greed
-Breath trough me
-Love trough me
-Perish with me
Drunk meditation on me
-help yourself to less gospels
-be mirror to Ra (as if you ever could)
-die in sunshine (as if you ever would)
Drunk meditation on voice
-Inner v and outer v so scarcely friends
-saviour in utterance less than feather
-borrow metall from allies only
Drunk meditation on heart
-world as thin as ever hated
-burn with passion and (self-)loathe
-no rears to fake cars
-guide of real and fake?
-never think clever
Drunk meditation on love
-welcome fever and healing
-beat drums to music only

scribble #19

Klar, gerade nicht
bist Schatten, Diamant
bist warten, Hast
Genoße Unweil
mit Angst, mit schwarzem Teer auf Wellblech
und Gegenteil, Sturm Licht Jerusalem
und brennt und überhitzt old windows
und fuck und fuck und fuck und fuck
leuchted, defying geometric
Reinchaos, (un)verwandt
kann nehmen, Berg Arachnid Schuß
als kleiner reduzierter Ausgleich auch alles geben muß
Sonne und Totengott
Das ist es wohl

scribble #18

Check glowbird lockdown volume Asyndedon groß stark brilliant, Serotonin - Kautschuk der Götter Saft aus Schnecken vows of dependance mow the lawn or die all hail to the 14 apostels Daimon breathing from the cross leopardgoat my gardenkeeper flew als Währung umschmelzen Trockengebiet wie Körner knirscht die Mühle heute under Gilgamesh no slaves missed all the railroad tracks gestern Maat schiebt lonesome rangers heim to round table lodges greathooded skinflutes seperate man from missile in trinity the over and out of webspace merchants all my cargo worse to be in sentimental sickflowered wallpaper song of beavers turn the tides to Zions muddy breaching locust wonder priest in June freshed of protodaughters sewers weave in plate magnetized prophecy another in square vegan pastry kill monsters spray your gencode on the fourth, the chubbiest wall move Donaukleenex no frozen fish reanimated in the sea gist of fogs sonores Plenum wo streben sie Specht unter Spaten im Tempel blind dem Kind geweiht so wenig Sprache lagert wie Kästen Noppen.

Samstag, 9. März 2013

Ode to a Jailbait

Not televised nor rationalized,
goys, fuck your revolution,
my pilgrimage of pubic channels,
stockcar broker heavens' wit
need to believe in walls, in halls
need to retreat where they exist
greed prime of border kin
in ancient, forged untainted sin,
forgive, my open country flower,
regress their chosen genophage, it does not scare nor does it heal nor does it give itself to gist or even plain existence,
my king a childish leaping bullfrog,
fangs of venom pure as rock,
my king praised and soaked in boredom,
grind him to bones and honey stocks,
coming home, tonight, for christmas,
the witch of space pierced on his spear,
grim diaper, mystic of selection,
generate heat and leather gear.

Work off thrilled doomsday,
carnifext and mere recital,
Opus Magnus, kissproof, bling,
my balding head deserves no crowns,
my clothes neither white nor red,
as easy fishing belvue magnetchick,
in clouds Golgotha drum of grid, full frontal, sacred scalpel steel, sing for my children, Slash and Winddrop, their birth a screening in my lids, go west the posters tell me link to prison, korn and chips wank me with pleasure grotesque grin,
record of christscaled serotonin,
a goat, a head, the sun needs rest,
since signed on lonely mayor label,
the hill of purpe blood, of Gretchen,
in whirl in corners almost missed.

Free until proven worthy,
the pointed tongue of Leprechaun,
a boy too young to twist a lip,
his gold voliere bright candystick
no chelsea smile to easter tables and yeah, even he feels bad,
as such, a warning, lobotomic,
the seventh circle without shame.

Oh streets and nostrils, draught of frenzy,
womb under siege, astounded, refreshed,
and sign me up for Specter Weekly,
con or prometheus, who claims for first?

Breaks on the wheel, no hammer vows the boarding brat
a strict and rather old-fashioned teacher,
forbid by law to grudge ones fate
debt paid in peals, gold economic roasted,
negotiations end at basement locks,
grow high clawbretheren
in touch with clinging novicehood.



Hether minds the swings sometimes yellow cotton church bestowings founding families sold ruby totems in latest friday ghoul legs;
Hier im Supermarkt zerleg ich die Knochen wehende Fahnen in Laub scharf gestochen Hagel vor Langeweile Gobi mit Unterschrift im Talismanhandel verloren;

Fucking Junkie Cactus, speak to me, tell me all those curses I wish I'd known when boiling map tycoons swept my living room floor with sulphured flesh, the fucking truth serum, the fucking truth serum, high empty goddess;
Setzen, Helena, gestiefelt dreimal rabenschwarzer Kater und das Spiegelei wie geworfene Achter; 

Mermaid we are gospel lobster skin wake them timely fashionable rocks smash guards swap t-shirts every 45 seconds bloody thumb screws;
Songs of speed and bear childs smirk lockdown lose women and flames years rubbing faces off coins hours rubbing face in the sink permission to enter or retreat back to godhead Thanatos lay my teeth to sky wide Morpheus to never feel human skin dissolve love rites on Catatonia on and on n' onwards my legit heir just send them impregnate long throat mirror yellow diamonds cannibal self diagnosis; 
Odd Goofus bird morning walk companion silk screen hide and love my enemy in screech of wood on wood;


Freitag, 8. März 2013

Ich wäre so gern ein großer Baum


A Day


                  A room, no given size. The light is dim, the orange flicker of candles though none are to be seen. Simple, common interior, a bed, a table, a cupboard, produced in millions, IKEA, something along the line. All over the room pieces of paper are lying around, triangles in different sizes printed on them. No other item except an old satellite phone are seen.
                 Radius, of no particular age except younger than 25, dressed in white, not shining, street dusted sits surrounded by piles of paper. He's drawing red lines onto the triangles, calculates things in small, neat columns. His tongue is sticking out his mouth, he doesn't realize it.

            Radius:      …and four units just outside of misconception, yes, that's ought show them…
                                 No king without a dagger in his ear…
                                Shit, I'm hungry…
                             When's the last time they served for for a living being here?
              He begins to draw circles within one of the triangles, giggles.
              Chocolate enters from left, 27 but looking younger, street wear, both cheeks swollen and red
             Chocolate: Still here?
             Radius:      As you can see
             Chocolate: You know, a lot of fun's outside. Balls, sunlight, that kind. Someone found a small river, sending painted kids all day, say they're Indians in canoes, see them run down the waterfall. Despicable, but wasn't that your thing?
             Radius:      I can't, got work to do.
                Chocolate: Speaking of which, what exactly are you doing?
             Radius:      Planning, seeing how it get's together
              Chocolate: What?
             Radius:      Life, boiling milk on the stove, you know. The sound his feet should make when they crush crumbs beside his bed in the
                        morning. How to look when they tell him sad things. The basics
             Chocolate: You really consider all that necessary?
             Radius:      Have you seen him without it? Hilarious. Like one of those rats they sleep deprive or a drunken monkey. Roll a dice, pick a
                         reaction, a bit impromptu fuck-up. Could make a movie, guaranteed for limousines, coke, full dose of dyslexic journalism
             Chocolate: Just let him do his thing, he'll get along
                Radius:       Like a rubicon
               Chocolate: Other people managed worse
                Radius:      Don't see, don't care. Don't tell me you did, all the way up from their knees. Anyone who ever hit you seems grown up to
                        to you and that's, well, nearly everyone
             Chocolate: Whom did I forget?
                Radius:      You know, the usual shitheads, the other weed chewers, too busy humping legs
             Chocolate: They hit me all right
             Radius:      Nah, they just loved you, that's what made you uncomfortable
              Chocolate: No it's not
             Radius:      If that'd be true I wouldn't be sitting here
                Two pointers enter from left, they have human legs and torsos but are deers above the chest, six horned antlers, they wear hospital
             pants. The expression on their face is one of a too long delivered traditional celebration, a happiness missing any triggering emotion.
             They carry more papers which they stack to a pile amid the sprawled. They pay no attention to Radius and Chocolate which freeze
             upon their entrance. They leave right.

             Chocolate: You think they saw us?
             Radius:      Don't think so. They never seem to or they really don't care. Either way can you please go sit on these?
             He points to the new pile just as a gust of wind starts blowing them trough the room
                Radius:      Shit

                The same
                Chocolate is sleeping on the bed, Radius still sitting on the same spot, tongue sticking out again
                Chocolate shakes, lies still for a while then sits up

                Chocolate: Still at it
             Radius:      Nothing else to do, quite literal
                Chocolate: Well, I'm going outside, fancy some food?
                Radius:      I'm good, dug my feet deep into the ground, sucking all the blood I can get, the least I can ask for all that unpaid work
              Chocolate: Crazy fucker
                Radius:      The only sane on in these halls
            Chocolate shakes his head then walks towards left, he checks himself in a non existing mirror, begins to smile and leaves
                Radius:      Finally that fucker's gone. Thought I'd go crazy all his love pesting round the room. Essentially it helps my work but all this               honesty, wholehearted, yallayalla, impossible not to feel suffocated, a cotton candy spider web, all his white teeth, the kind             cunt, wonder if he'd like that name.
                        (while working, drawing, laying papers aside and grabbing new ones mumbling to himself) …oh yes, songs like greek fire,             they're gonna love that…
                        what a slideshow and all this in the supermarket…
                        you couldn't…
                        guess you…
                        off with their head my king…
                        just like shoelaces…
             The pointers enter the room again, course of events as prior, whey they put down the papers and start walking again the fridge enters, looks interested as they walk away. He's in his forties, dressed in a classy, decent flan ell suit. None of his features are particularly interesting. He walks over to the new stack and sits down. Just then the wind starts again, this time only shuffling the pages already lying around
            Radius:    (looking up) Thank heaven, even though you possibly don't even know why
                 fridge:      Glad to be of help
             Radius:     That coming from you. Just a second (He leans over a paper) a little twist here, a healthy push and … (he looks up, smiles)              all done. I wish. Not outside, breathing heavy on someone else's cake?
                 fridge:      I'm bored, play with me
                 Radius:    I can't, I'm working (grabs a new paper) let's see, money, uh, that's always a laugh
                 fridge:      I'm bored, play with me
                 Radius:    Look, can you go someplace else? Do you even realize what I'm doing here?
                 fridge:      I'm bored, play with me
                 Radius:    You a one-liner today? I can't, all right? What does one even play with you? Reading death tolls out loud?
                 fridge:      We could memorize some molecules
                 Radius:    Enough lying around already. The ghost freak said it's sunny, that's why you in here?
                 fridge:      I'm bored, come/
                 Radius:    /will you stop that? Aren't you supposed to be the dull, grown-up in here?
                 fridge:      I'm forty three
                 Radius:    And counting. Though no changes in a while.
                 fridge:      They always forget my birthday
                 Radius:    For the best. Grew way to fast already. Like some cancerous disease. Not cancer, thanks for that, imagine the place crowded
                         with your monologues
               fridge:       Someone to play with
                Radius:     Would make things a lot simpler. Not all this paperwork, just you folks sitting around. But well, you didn't, for better or for
                         worse, so can you leave me deal with the consequences? Can you give me the top ones? (points to the pile fridge sits on)
                fridge:       I'm bored, come play with me (he doesn't move)
                Radius:     Really? That's how…why am I even doing that stuff? The only dialectic in a fascist loony bin. Giving you space to further
                         fuck with me, all of you just pointing your fingers at your belly. I know you're hungry, everyone is
             fridge:       I'm bored/
             Radius:     /GET OUT (he jumps towards fridge)
              fridge doesn't move. Radius stops close to fridge, a step, maybe two left, hands raised. The fury leaves his face

             fridge:       I'm bored, come play with me
                Radius:     I can't and won't. Go out there, screw some grandmother, steal sweets of a Toddler or just memorize your goddamn
                         molecules but please, please, leave me to it. Can you get the top ones for me?
             fridge gets up, stands opposite to Radius, close. They look at each other for a few seconds, fridges expression one of disgust. Then he
             walks to the left, leaves. Radius sighs, looks as he leaves then turns towards the paper. Just as he reaches out wind comes up, the
              paper randomly shuffles around

             Radius:     Shit, Shit, Shit (he runs around the room, then gives up, sits down anywhere) Spending money or energy on a cabinet, no,              why, not with the king and his oh-so-memorizing carbon (he grabs a paper, looks at the triangle) "Grey clouds, mild wind              from south, approximately, pillow stuffed in my neck", now that's just fucking great (he begins to draw lines on it) could just                 silence it with a bunch of cheeseburgers, easy times back then…
                                 until the grease runs down the walls, poisons the flower, looked like shit …
                         mutant fly traps …
                         just roll with it …
                         make the stairs safely

               The same
            Radius chewing on his showing tongue, softly, like a dog on an elastic bone. He is cross-legged, his head close to the papers he's working on. He silently hummus a waltz. Somebody put a blanket over his shoulders, maybe he, right now he's not paying attention to it
               He works for a while, humming

            Radius:     (with the Waltz, cutting the words or pausing to stay with the rhythm) Gave you snow and your burned it…
                        shit, even babies know that…
                          set sails and yellow flags…
                          someone's gonna get lucky tonight, but i's not you my dear
                The pointers come in, do the usual, Radius doesn't freeze this time, pays no mind to them, as the wind shuffles the pages around he stops humming then begins again, this time the melody of "Hänschen Klein"
             Noises are heard from the left, things breaking, loud laughter, objects crashing into each other in middle loud registers (no baseball bat on iron doors, church bells, etc.)
             Dezibel and Cumface enter from left, both female, 16-20. Dezibel wears gold, lines of texture wrapped around her seemingly random. Where her skin isn't hidden she has scars painted in black, like a pirate in a child's book. Cumface wears tight cut cotton before breasts and groin, the rest of her skin looks oily. She carries a soap dispenser with herself and every now and then rubs soap on a part of her body, afraid to get stuck in a motion. They look around the room, facial expression of genuine joy, unaware of the cruelty it also features. They move with grace, almost too much, it seems artificial

            Cumface:  It's dark in here
              Dezibel:    Like a graveyard
               Cumface:  Or an empty whorehouse
            Dezibel:    The same, the same
               She picks up a paper, both look at it. Radius' humming has become louder, he doesn't speak, tries to ignore the two. They giggle at the paper, throw it back on the floor then walk around, kicking pages. They pay no attention to Radius, whose pen is frozen midair, he's more and more loaded
            Radius:     (bursting out after a while) Could you two stop that?
              Dezibel:    AHA!
                Cumface: We got you now!
                        What's happening in here anyway?
            Dezibel:    It's an old-man-place let the old man do it
            Radius:     Like that worked well last time
               Dezibel:    Don't care
               Cumface:  Don't mind
               Dezibel:    We got more pressing matters
               Radius:     I realize that. Go, deal with your important business
            Dezibel:    It's been so silent lately
               Cumface:  Lonely, too
               Dezibel:    Have you been outside? The weather's beautiful
               Radius:     Can't, got work to do
               Cumface:  All the heavy work
            The two giggle
               Dezibel:    You coming down tonight? They say there'll be a fire
               Cumface:  Maybe we'll all get drunk, sing a few happy goo-goo-songs
               Dezibel:    Everyone's invited
            Radius:     Isn't that usual?
            Cumface:  Doesn't make it less true, grumpy head (she jumps over his back, sits down opposite him). We miss you
            Radius:     Like hell you do
            Dezibel:    Don't say that
            Cumface:  That's rude
              Radius:     Doesn't make it less true
            Cumface lies down, her head into his lap. He looks irritated, then angry. Dezibel massages his shoulders, grinning
            Dezibel:    All worked up
            Cumface: No muscles nowhere, you will look like you're constantly wanting
            Dezibel:    Look at widow boy, people think that anyway
            Radius:     You having fun?
            Cumface:  (pouts) Not at all. Come out with us tonight
            Dezibel:    Or use your magic fingers and bring some people around
            Cumface sits up, her face close to his
              Cumface: Come out, we'll show you where we hid the bodies
            Dezibel:    All those papers won't work anyway
            Radius:     Work more than what all of you do
            Dezibel:    What do they do then? Where's my pony?
            Cumface:  My sink's still leaking
            Dezibel:    No corn to feed the starving mad mans
            Cumface:  All those broken hearts
                    Say, is your heart broken? Do you feel good? Upright?
            Radius:    What I do? I keep all this from becoming the swamp it would be with any of you setting the course. I balance. I plan. Judge, sometimes
            Dezibel:   Judging, what a big word (she purrs). Feels good
            Cumface: Hey, you're avoiding. Answer my question
            Radius:    Fuck off
              Cumface: Isn't honesty kind of your deal?
            Radius:    My heart is loyal to myself and my king. That's why I do those things
            Dezibel:   Ugh, that's dull
              Cumface: Does he ever fuck you? Do you ever fuck you?
            Dezibel:    Maybe it's all just pressure
            The two begin to walk around the room again
            Radius:     It's what needs to be done. It can't all be flesh and games
            Cumface:  You still know how those look like?
            Dezibel:    Come out, time off, meet dear old friends
            Cumface:  Spend some time in the sun
            Dezibel:    Get proper wasted
            Cumface:  Eat a cunt out
              Dezibel:    Suck a cock, you name it
            Together:  Get Laid
            Dezibel:    Some brain cells not on a pilgrimage, so what?
            Cumface: It's not just fun, it's pure, it's good
            Each one of them bends down to one his ears
              Dezibel:   Get
            Cumface: Yourself
            Together:  Laid
              Radius:    Thanks, I think I'll pass
               They sit down beside him
              Dezibel:   We could help you out
               Cumface runs a hand trough his lap
              Radius:    If you really want to help, there's the door
               Cumface:  Shit, I think he's serious
            Dezibel:    What a waste
             They get up
              Radius:    You know me, all loyal to the king
            Dezibel:    Yeah, yeah, the pride of chastity. Where'd you pick up on that, Longerm-TV?
              Cumface:  At least get us laid then, bring some company around
            Radius:     I'll see what I can do. Will you get lost now?
               The two leave left. As soon as they're outside the noise starts again, then faint. Radius sits for a while, then falls to his back. He stares
              stares at the ceiling

            Radius:    The pride…
              As a pointer walks in Radius looks at him with interest, waves. No reaction. The pointer leaves, Radius stares with a blank expression
            for a long time. He doesn't take notice as the pages shuffle around him. He shakes his head like a cow getting rid of an insect on the
            tail and grabs a piece of paper

            Radius:    The stairs, so lovely…
                       Careful, not to catch a disease…
                   Keep weekend nights spare…
                     All the toxics, all the fun…
                   "Lately she hasn't been feeling well". Do YOU even feel?

           The same
           Radius sits on the bed, his lap covered in paper. The fridge walks in, sits at the desk, swings around on the chair once or twice then
           looks at him

           Radius:     (without looking up) Here again
           fridge:       Still bored
           Radius:     Still can't help you
           fridge:       I want to help you
              Radius:     Please don't
           fridge:       C'mon, it'll be fun
           Radius:     You and your prismatic perception of fun. Do you even know how these things work?
           fridge:       I can learn
           Radius:     Sure you can. (laughs mechanically) After forty years or hell knows how long. With that basic set of mind. Sure you can
                    (laughs again, real this time)
           fridge:       Is that a yes?
           Radius:     Hell fucking no
           fridge:       Such a bore. Who even qualified you to claim all this?
           Radius:     You did, the others, when you decided not to give a fuck about the things in this room
           fridge:       And did it get better since then?
           fridge:       Thought so. Okay, so I'm in?
           Radius:     Still no
           fridge:       You can't decide that
              Radius:     It's hard enough as it is, don't need a golem as additional distraction
           fridge:       I'll just start working
           Radius:     Good luck finding a pen
           fridge:       Then I'll just stay
           Radius:     Fine, I'll work (grabs another paper)
           fridge:       Bit of an autocrat, aren't we?
           Radius:     "Just like Hitler", yeah I know. You realize we're serving one, do you? Not Hitler, an autocrat. Mr "shape-my-fucking-heart", the King, Papa post ports, the Big Deal. All claiming to love him, though all of you in quite weird ways. But will, I'm here to work, not judge. At least not you
           Chocolate enters, a halo round his head
           fridge:       Jesus Christ, where'd you get that from?
           Chocolate:Found it outside, isn't it wonderful?
           Radius:     Take that off, you look like a tool
           fridge:       You think it's contagious?
           Chocolate shoots an evil look at him
           Radius:     You know, "It sits, it fits"'s just not for everyone
           Chocolate:Devilish donkeys. No taste or joy (he takes off the halo and pockets it). Anyway, I'm here to help
           Radius:     Who?
           Radius:      Get him (he points at fridge) and close the door from the outside
           Chocolate:With your work
           Radius:     You too. What's wrong with you today? I'm sorry, but no help needed
           Chocolate:I could lighten things up around here
           Radius:     That's just what I'm afraid of
           Chocolate:It could be fun
           The fridge coughs loudly
           Radius:     Look, can't you guys do what you normally do? Smell a flower, spend an afternoon hating ducks from a bark bench, whatever you do with your time
           fridge:       We do nothing, mostly
           Radius:     Sure do a lot of things to still do nothing. Talk to each other then, get into an argument about something pointless, a painting, your lovers shampoo, the godhead, man, we know so many pointless things
           Chocolate:And if we still want to help?
           Radius:     Then I'd kindly ask you to fuck off. I've got enough to do on my own, don't need a bed of roses and a seeding senior learning to walk as well. Plus, as you might know, so far there's only one pen
             fridge:       We could work shifts
           Radius:     NO! (he jumps up) NO WE FUCKING CAN'T! (he walks to the center of the room then calms, looking uneasy) Look guys… I'm … Do you think I feel totally capable of doing this? This is so strange, it's back feeding, eating parts of me or my brain, whatever and I don't know shit about it, know the basic commands but everything further… I'm trying out as much as you would, only a bit down the trial'n'error-line, still, there are so many things I don't know
           Two pointers walk in from left, put down the papers, Radius walks up to them
             Radius:     Like who the hell those guys are. Or what. Who are you? What are you doing here? WHO are you?
           They show no reaction to him, leave right
             He breaks down and sits on the floor, angrily stars to the right
           Radius:      Who are you…
                    my king…
                    who are they…
                    my lover…
                    who are they…
                    oh, my king…
            Meanwhile Chocolate and fridge silently get up and tiptoe out the door, Thomas looks pitiful, fridge with disgust
            Without paying attention to them Radius sits up and murmurs, mostly to himself by now. He doesn't realize he's talking out loud
            After a long time he grabs a paper

            Radius:    Well, fuck you then…
                   a raincoat made of Ebola…
                   those stairs, always those stairs…
                   should clergyman…
                   humiliate and buy a bag of pens…
                   cigarettes go fine with that…
                   my king…
                   long island, where's the ice?
           His tongue sticks out


           The same
           Radius walks nervously up and down, he is undressed from the waist up, he has laid the pen onto the table, just reads papers
           while walking circles, picking up a new one every now and then

           Radius:     A real gentleman beats himself senseless…
                   lethargic as an earthworm…
                   no sleep, too much already…
                   lay your hands, yes, yes, yes…
                   a chicken, lousy and dressed in shame…
                   the stairs, oh the stairs…
            Seph, a pointer enters, as prior, Radius looks up the second he enters
            Radius:   You! This time you're not getting away!
            He blocks Seph's path, Seph walks around him and puts down the paper. Radius grabs him by the shoulder
            Radius:   Will you stop. Just for a minute
            Seph, not changing his facial expression, struggles to get free
            Radius:   I can call all chains and inquisitions, beware
            Their struggle becomes more intense until Radius punches Seph into the face. Seph looks surprised into the air, still not seeing Radius.
            Radius punches him again, with a slight sigh Seph faints

            Radius:   Now look at you've done. Oh well, the jury, me, we speak 'not guilty'. So mad, they make me so mad
            Radius kicks Seph in the side, four or five times, without any grace or thought, like a hooligan
            Radius:   They make me, oh, so mad. They…
            He sits down beside Seph, looks at him
            Radius:   They make mad? Poor sod, didn't even say a word. What a bomber you've become, sweet hollow Radius (he giggles).Mama should've tought you better. She makes me mad. Oh will you stop that, besides, you want to kick a ghost head. So, neither her nor him, all other cards played, two soldiers left standing guard, asbestos, what a great name, should build him a temple, give him a place in our ancient pantheon. Pantheons rather, how obsolete
           He looks at Seph, kind, with interest
           Radius:    So, what about you, pen pal?
           He slaps him softly, once, twice. Seph begins to move again, slow and weak
           Radius:    (soft) Wake up, darling, there's cake and women, open your eyes, the sky's free of all green today
              Seph sits up, blinks for a few times
           Radius:     What's your name?
           Seph:        Seph
           Radius:     Seth?
           Seph:        No, Seph
           Radius:     Shit, you've got me scared there for a second. Such folks in these happy halls, it's like the joke with the clown on a child's birthday
           Seph:       Don't know that one
           Radius:    Oh, it's great. Turns out, he's really a suicide bomber and the kids are… well, kids
           Seph:       That's not funny
           Radius:    Didn't say it was
           Seph:       What am I doing on the floor?
           Radius:    I hit you. I hope it wasn't too hard
           Seph:       Why did you hit me?
           Radius:    You wouldn't talk to me
           Seph raises an eyebrow
           Radius:    A lot of shit fell on the wrong day
           Seph:       So you hit me
             Radius:   Seemed a good fix
            Seph:       Well thanks (he gets up) I think I might leave
            Radius:    Wait! Stay! Can I ask you something?
           Seph:       Can't see a reason why
           Radius:    You didn't even want to know who I am
           Seph:       Who are you then?
           Radius:    That hardly matters, does it? What matters is who are you!
           Seph:       I'm Seph
            Radius:    I know that much. What are you doing here?
           Seph:       Getting beaten up, apparently
           Radius:    I mean in general. Those papers. Coming in every once in a while. Scaring me shitless. Those fucking deer heads. The big deal
            Seph's face grows cold, unconsciously
           Seph:      Oh that. Just following orders
            Radius:   Whom from?
           Seph:      My legs
           Radius:   Who's giving those orders?
           Seph:      My legs. My antlers.
            Radius:   They talk to you?
           Seph:      Something like that
           Radius:   Whom do they answer you?
            Seph:      Not at liberty to tell
            Radius:   I'm a friend
            Seph raises an eyebrow
            Radius:   Look, I need some answers. All this feeding, all those white line things, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all (like a broken tape

           Seph:     I'm gonna go now
            Radius:   All, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all
            Seph gets up, leaves right
            Radius:   All, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all, all
          The wind shuffles the pages around

            The same
            Radius walks up and down, quickly, he's angry without realizing it

            Radius:      Left as well, not to be trusted, spies, all of them (he giggles) getup up, raid your bed for cookies, answer to anything with a claim to authority
            He grabs a page from the floor
            Radius:      (writing and reading out loud) "Dear lockdown facilities, today I killed the cat, skinned the fat bastard alive, watched it run another mile" (he laughs) shit, I just might be a poet (he tears the page, the light gets a bit stronger) lying in the sun Simon and Garfunkel in-between my legs, Sigfried and Roy rather (he giggles)
            He picks up a bunch of pages. Whenever he tears a page the light gets a bit stronger, not candles, clean, white light, like a hangar or a
            hospital, whenever he runs out of pages he picks up more, still walking up and down

            Radius      All this working my ass off (he tears a page) should've done Yoga must go, fly with my cheekbones sewed into my foot instead hanging out with the right kids (he tears a page) sitting on stairs dusted with boredom them not me sent down to cardiac arrest every wednesday after pottery class all and all no dragons (he tears a page) You know I was honestly convinced you'd like me doing all this shit nights and nights full of blackredblackredblackredblackred all those fruit flies (he tears a page) I mean, shit, it wasn't bad, green fields, counting down clouds in neat little notebooks girl scouts with their tiny felix-the-rabbit-bagpacks full of raw meat or something (he tears a page) guess I never minded how they behind myself or in front up and down that's how you like it, isn't it? I could have set fires, worn leather jackets, fuck, do you realize what a hell of a guy I could have been? My mirrorless potential (he tears a page) high-functioning metabolism (he tears a page) grace of a geisha (he tears a page) breath and smiles (he tears a page) if not that fucking idea or feeling that parasite had gotten stuck was it the pasta? Was it the swimming? (he tears a page) So, I love you, king, you happy? I (he tears a page) loved disappointing them bored the lights how nothing got reflected loved how the only real wizard in here, the only fucker with a lung, pretented so hard not to be more than just arrangement (he tears a page) I even convinced my medicine cabinet, even convinced god, even me (he tears a page) all just so the king can smile (he tears a page) or frown (he tears a page) or drool (he tears a page) shit, all I missed out on, I could not only've seen or been the fields, I could have felt it (he randomly tears pages throughout the following) morning rise dew winning streak arrow hits flesh monkey on a rope savior brute force setting foot in an undiscovered cave iron doors whole cakes a week razorblades french kiss ouija the first tux smoke grenade vasectomy cell phone charger hardcore planet wax Boston Hells Angels serenading flowers the Super Bowl evil stepmother a garden party lemons squeezed into a glass not asking for a refill second keys steaming hot tea coconuts dust rallies motown the benzene ring crying for a nannie clipboard fax number talent scout observer auctioneer gross lollipops a trycicle victim culprit could've seen and been and felt (he tears a page, begins to cry) seen and been and felt (he tears a page)
            Radius sinks onto his knees, his head sinks to the ground before him.
            The light is almost blinding now
            He cries

            The Same
            Radius is kneeling on the ground, he's just wearing boxer shorts. He is crying

            Radius     I love you
            He cowers, becomes as small as possible, looks up
            Radius:    Do you realize that?
            He looks down, then up
            Radius:    Do you?
            He looks down, sobs
            Radius:   I love you
            He sobs
            The end.